We always make new year resolutions, we start diets, new exercise fads, for some reason we find it difficult to keep to them beyond 2 weeks. We start get some good results but often then not we go back to square 1, why is this?
It’s not just resolutions, there are other areas of our lives where we just don’t seem to get what we want or be what we want to be, for example, why do we always fall for the same type of person? Why do we yo yo with our weight?
Is it we lack the will power, don’t know how to change ourselves or is there something far more fundamental?
So why is it we can’t we keep our resolutions, stay slim or find someone different from the ones we have always fallen for?
I think it stems from our childhood, we are programmed to think in a particular way, this is basically the beliefs we take from our parents and the environment around us.
Our parents always said things like “You have to work hard to get on in life”, “No pain no gain”, “Money is the root of all evil”, “Money does not grow on trees” these are some of the things we heard when we were children growing up.
What are the significance of these phrases, how did we interpret them and how does it shape our thinking and therefore our futures? My analysis of these statments are as follows:
You have to work hard to Succeed
You have to work hard to get on in life or to succeed. What does that actually mean? We have all been told if you work really hard you will achieve what you want, we all go through life working hard during school and university so that we can get the grades we need to get a good job thereby have a good career and get the rewards, although this true to some extent.
What I feel is that we all work hard but some of us don’t necessarily get the rewards we believe we deserve. In all cases everyone thinks they work harder the the next person, although this maybe true there are other factors that needs to be taken into consideration.
The success within the corporate system is made from different and often complicated criterion and not everybody gets the promotion or the recognition they feel they deserve, so what happens, they get despondent and lose motivation and before you know it they go through a crisis in their life.
I have been quite fortunate that I had reasonable success within the corporate environment, I was given promotion and a more reponsible position without looking or asking for it. Why is this so? I learned somewhere along the way that for me to get on I had to work harder on myself than my job.
I remember talking to a salesman many years ago, he was telling me his story.
This is his story:
”I thought I was doing really well, I was working long hours and therefore working hard to get the results that I was getting. I was making enough money to get by, paying all the bills and having the holidays, but was not happy with my situation, I wanted more, I never won the salesman of the month.
Then I met someone who was very successful businessman by a chance meeting and he had a profound effect on me. He asked me “Are you happy with your life? What you are earning? Happy with your relationship?”
I told him my life was fine, that I was doing o.k. not earning greats amount of money but just comfortable and that I had a wife of 15 years and 2 children who did not know me. Over a period of 6 months we would meet often and he would give me his philosophy on life, which I had heeded.
He told me that I did not need to work harder on getting more sales but start working harder on how to be a better salesman, thereby increasing the amount of sales. I listened to him and after applying the philosophies he presented, I became the company’s best salesman and shortly after started my own business and am very successful.”
I did not go too deep into the story as the thing I took from that story was that I had to work harder on my self to succeed, it does not necessarily mean that I did not work hard at my job, it’s just I was performing better and it got noticed by my peers and management.
No Pain no Gain
I remember my father telling me ”No Pain no Gain” It’s telling me that life is hard, we will only succeed if we go through some sort of suffering, so what do we do? we suffer. Life is not meant to be hard, we are not meant to suffer.
We start having this mindset life is meant to be hard and we carry this all the way through our lives, so when we are experiencing some sort of suffering we think it’s normal, we are meant to go through this adversity, it’s character building. Why do we still believe that there is no gain without pain?
Money does not Grow on Trees, Money is the root of all evil.
What is money? Money is only paper, nowadays it’s just digital information. When we were told that money does not grow on trees, we were given the idea that money is scarce and hard to make, so what happens we start struggling for money.
Money is the root of all evil, this is implying that money is evil, it’s not good. How can this be? If money is paper or digital information how can this be evil? We start having a bad relationship with money and think of money as being bad, that all rich people have got rich by being evil. This could be the reason why you don’t have enough money.
If we changed our perception of money and not seeing it as an evil our relationship with money would change. If we think that if we had money we could do something good and positive with it, then we would change our mindset and money is something good, it can actually be used to do good.
Our futures have been shaped by these limiting ideas, these beliefs were passed onto us by our parents and our environment. We as human beings tend to have habits we always revert to, we need to break the cycle.
I believe that life is a series of results. We take action, because of desire and our emotions which come from our thoughts.
I guess what I am saying is that our mind controls us rather than us controlling our minds. Unless we can control our unconscience we will not have free choice or be as successful as you want to be.
Here’s to taking back your mind and creating your life as you want it to be and breaking all those recurring habits.